Thinking about this question, the first two words that came to mind were: 1. Love and 2. Connection. But, I'm going to go with the word Love because it encompasses connections to many things and people.

So why do I choose Love?

Love is such a powerful word that many neglect to acknowledge or think deeply about. I think Love is the root of all positivity, happiness, and pureness in this world. Experiencing this feeling creates warmth, compassion, empathy, passion, gratitude and eliminates negative feelings that may set in from time to time.

The first love I live for is Love for myself. It might sound selfish, but nurturing and accepting myself helps nourish positive thoughts and actions that affect how I project myself to the world and how I treat people. Love is so humbling and helps me accept that everyone has flaws and not to take anything personally.

The second love I live for is Love for my Family and Friends. Nothing makes me happier than seeing them smile or experience moments of bliss. It's amazing to be surrounded by such positive energy and knowing they will always be there in times of triumph and difficulty. I want to support them and extend all of gratitude and love for how they have shaped me.

The third love I live for is Being in Love. There is nothing better than experiencing those sharp, rapid heartbeats when I see him or abandoning all insecurities and trusting that person completely. Merging hearts together to create an infinite lasting love. Though there is always the risk of heartbreak, not being vulnerable to the possibility of an endless love due to fear is even worse.

The fourth Love I live for is Love for all things in this world. A sunset, a happy dog, an excited cat, rainy days, beaches, tasty food, music, nature, meeting strangers, traveling, sleeping, being at home. There is so much love for all of these little things. Sometimes we forget to appreciate and build gratitude for them, but they are essential in completeling the puzzle.

All of these Loves I talked about are what I live for. They make me feel alive and make me do all I do everyday to generate more Love.

So what do you live for?  

  

Oatmeal Banana Chocolate Chip Cookies

I'm all about finding a healthier alternative to my favorite desserts. I am the "eat dessert before dinner girl!"

Trying to find a recipe for my clinic's Bake Sale, I came across a basic cookie made from bananas and oatmeal. I tweaked the recipe and made my own.The cookies are delicious and super easy to make! Definitely a try!

Servings: 18 

Ingredients:

• 2 cups of oatmeal 
• 4 bananas
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• 1 1/2 cup chocolate chips
• coconut chips
• pinch of salt

 

Mash the bananas with the oatmeal, then add the rest of the ingredients. You don't have to add coconut chips. You can add any toppings you want.  

Enjoy!

Auschwitz

Have you ever felt deep sympathy for someone you barely know or an event that was never part of your life? 

As a naive 5th grader who first learned about the Holocaust reading Anne Frank's Diary and visiting a  memorial center on a school trip, feelings of sorrow set within me as I learned more about it. I'm not really sure what draws me so much to the horrific events that occurred during the Holocaust, but a deep longing to visit one of the most famous concentration camps, Auschwitz, has always been on my bucket list. Although it is nothing to get excited about, I was so motivated to make my way to Auschwitz during my stay in Poland.

I woke up at 6:00 a.m and took a 5 hr train ride (one way) from Warsaw to Auschwitz. I was feeling nervous and frightened not knowing what to expect and how I would react witnessing such a somber place.  I reflected on how much gratitude I have for having my family, friends, shelter, food, and the ability to live freely without being terrorized.

As I stepped off the train, the town seemed sort of run down, gloomy and eerie. Walking through the entrance of Auschwitz, there were so many tourists,  I had to wait 1 hr  30 min to enter the museum. Walking past the gate that read, "Arbeit macht frei" (Work brings freedom) brought a deep chill just thinking about how I was reading the same words those recited everyday as they struggled to stay alive.

Auschwitz was established in 1940 for the Polish Political prisoners. It was originally intended to be an instrument of terror and extermination of Poles. As time went by, Nazis began to deport people from all over Europe, mainly Jews to this camp. Most people think it was just jews, but there were Soviet prisoners of war, more than 21,000 gypsies, Czechs, Yugoslavs, Frenchmen, Austrians, Germans, homosexuals, and others. This location was favorable because it was isolated from the outside world and it had a railway junction connecting different places to this small town. Initially, the camp was comprised of 20 buildings, but as the number of people increased, 8 more blocks were built along with other camps known as Auschwitz II- Birkenau and Auschwitz III.

Since1942, Auschwitz became the biggest center for the mass extermination of European Jews.  The majority of Jews deported were killed in gas chambers immediately upon their arrival, without registration  and without identification numbers. Therefore, it is difficult to precisely determine how many people were murdered, but it is presumed to have been around 1.5 million victims.

So how were so many people manipulated into coming to Auschwitz?

Most were convinced they had been deported for resettlement in Eastern Europe. In particular, Jews from Greece and Hungary were deceived  by Nazis selling them non-existent plots of land, farms, shops or job opportunities in fictitious factories. That is why most deportees brought their most valuable possessions. Most of the places of arrest took place 1,500 miles away from the camps so people were forced onto sealed good wagons with no food provided and crowded like sardines. Since most traveled for many days before reaching their destination, many victims died from extreme exhaustion and hunger.

The trains unloaded at the goods station and here officers and doctors of the SS examined those who arrived allocating them into two categories: 1, healthy and able to work 2. weak, old, children. Those who were weak were immediately sent to the gas chamber. They were told they would be given a shower, so instructed to undress and herd below the showers peering from the ceilings. Instead of water coming through, the SS officers poured cyclone B where 15-20 minutes later, everyone was dead. The officers would then go and remove gold tooth fillings (crazy), rings, jewelry, and remove the hair from the bodies. There were 7 tons of hair found from all of the victims and it is on display in a glass room in the museum. It really hit home for me to witness this. Apparently hair was used to make fabric to make clothes and blankets. Talk about sickos.

cyclone b

a full room of shoes

Another devastating scene was a room full of everyone's shoes and also the suitcases of which all had names and address on it. Most of the victims thought they would be starting new lives or going home at some point. Instead there were tortured in the worst way for no reason.

I cannot imagine how those selected few survived Auschwitz. They were given a day's food ration of 1300-1700 calories with food consisting of coffee, soup made of rotten vegetables, 10 oz of break, margarine and sometimes 20 g of sausage and herbal tea and coffee. The inmates who worked more than 12 hours doing physical labor could barely suffice with the caloric intake. After the liberation, some of the women prisoners weighed 50-65 lbs.

There were so many horrific facts and history I learned on this tour that it would take many blog entries to describe it all. I could not help but maintain a serious face as I walked through this huge cemetery. Every rock,  dirt, trees, and grass are remnants of those who lost their lives in Auschwitz and whose ashes have disseminated into the earth. Walking these grounds was surreal. All of this didn't sink in until the train ride back home.

How could people do this to others? 

Why didn't no one stop them in time? 

So many questions that will probably never be answered. 

I pray for those innocent people who lost their lives and I bow my head in silence in their honor. 

Warsaw

                            Sorry guys for not posting in a while! I've had the busiest 2 weeks ever!!

First, I moved into my apartment in Weiden on August 1st! It feels so amazing to finally be living in my own space and I feel Germany is beginning to feel like home. This weekend has been dedicated to cleaning and organizing everything and I’m exhausted. I never realized how much work moving is, especially when you are by yourself. I've had to assemble all of my furniture from IKEA, carry all the boxes and move stuff up two flights of stairs. It’s definitely not fun, but I guess this is how living independently is like. At least its almost done! I will definitely post pictures of the finished product.

So I had a 4 day weekend last weekend (Aug. 7th) and was able to travel to Warsaw, Poland! I had such an amazing time there. I decided to book a ticket there because my friend Anna's mom is in Poland visiting her sister and brother in law, so I didn't hesitate when they mentioned to come visit.

Arriving at the Warsaw Airport, I was greeted with lots of hugs and it was nice to be able to see a familiar face. We drove to their apartment located in the heart of Warsaw and it was amazing to see views of the Teatr Wielki, Grand Opera House, right out of their balcony. As we entered the apartment I was greeted by an excited dog named Chika who was so sweet she jumped on me to give me a million kisses. The family quickly gave me snacks consisting of meats, cheeses, bread, and told me that in Poland everyone eats dinner around 1-2 pm so not to eat too much. I pride myself in having a big appetite and making lots of room for food, so that wasn't an issue,

Before dinner, we went to a local farmer's market and got fresh vegetables, fruits, and meats for dinner! We got 2 pounds of raspberries and ate them on the way back to the house. As soon as we arrived, dinner was ready!

Menu: vegetable soup, a noodle with tender beef dish, perogies, blueberry perogies, lemon cake with icing.

I ate everything I was given. I almost exploded! After dinner, Anna's mom, Krystina, and I walked around Warsaw and visited many shops, had mineral water at an outdoor cafe, and visited famous landmarks in Warsaw.

Warsaw is the capital of Poland and is one of the most resilient cities in history. On September 1, 1939 and again on September 24, 1939,  85% of the city was destroyed as Poland was seized by the Germans who attacked and bombed the city to ashes. The Germans from the beginning of WWII in Poland adopted the tactic of terror and the Poles were defenseless as their military were defeated. Following the Warsaw Rising of 1944, the Poles revolted against the Germans and the city was devastated and those alive evacuated . When the war ended, the people of Warsaw returned to the capital and set to rebuild the beautiful city that it is today.

Irene & Krystin

One of landmarks we visited was the Lazienki Park, which was the summer residence of Stanislaw August Poniatowski, the last king of Poland. There was beautiful architecture, flowers, and a grand statue of the composer Chopin. 

Chopin was born in Poland and is greatly praised in Warsaw. There are many open air concerts with pianists playing compositions of Chopin in this park and along the city center. I was fortunate enough to be sitting at an outdoor cafe with perfect view of a pianist playing Chopin. Chopin has always been one of my favorite composers growing up, after Johannes Bach of course, and I enjoyed playing some of his pieces on the piano. He plays mostly in the key of minor, which gives his music a more mysterious sound and emotional sound.

Very close to the apartment, there was the Saxon Gardens, at whose entrance stands the small Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, which is a monument dedicated to the unknown soldiers who have given their lives for Poland. There is a changing of the guards at noon and the guards are so serious they do not crack a smile. I always wonder what kind of training they have before they become these guards because I could not hold a serious face especially when kids are making funny faces at them. 

I had such amazing authentic food while staying at Anna’s aunt and uncle’s place that I will definitely miss Polish food. The perogies were so buttery and tender and melted in my mouth. I definitely gained a couple of pounds during my time there! My last day there, I had borscht, which is a soup consisting of mainly beets with other vegetables and meat. It served in a cup and you drink it as you eat a fried buttery stuffed dough with meat. (Sorry Polish people, if I’m butchering the description of this dish). let’s just say it was absolutely delicious!!

All in all, I had an amazing time in Warsaw and it was so great to be part of a small family even if it was for the weekend. I loved hearing stories and also trying to communicate with Anna’s aunt and uncle who only speak polish was difficult at first, but somehow we managed to communicate especially with Krystina translating and non-verbal communication. Probably one of the highlights of this trip was a trip I took to Auschwitz. Read the following post to hear all about it! 

P.S. I'll be posting a slideshow of pictures of Poland tomorrow! Off to bed, PT test in the morning!!

Wurzburg

Sorry I haven't updated the blog in a bit. I've had a busy last couple of days and had no wifi for two of them. My wifi expired for the month and trying to get customer service to assist me was impossible. Germany has terrible customer service. Like Terrible. Oh well, at least I'm moving to my apartment this upcoming weekend. I am so excited! Cannot wait to settle in and make it my haven. Only a couple more days :)

So this past weekend was amazing! I went with two of my colleagues to Wurzburg, Germany. One of my colleagues owns a house there with her husband and ironically enough, their house is Richard Wagner's old house. For many that don't know, Richard Wagner is perhaps one of the most famous composers of all time (1800s) as well as a theatre director. Many of his influences were Beethoven and Mozart. I've played some of his violin pieces and staying at his house was by far one of the coolest things for being such a classical music geek.

                                               

Wurzburg is such a beautiful city and one of my favorites thus far in Germany. I fell in love with the vineyards, picturesque buildings, and bridge (Alte Mainbrucke) overlooking the Main river. The atmosphere was youthful and the food and the famous Franconian wine were splendid. I will take any of you who come visit :) It is interesting to see how this city rose from the ashes after the bombing raid on Wurzburg in March 16, 1945 that lasted about 20 minutes and destroyed 80% of the city.

Friday
After a 2 hr drive from Grafenwoehr, we arrived to Wurzburg and headed out to get dinner since we were starving. We walked around the town square and walked to the bridge overlooking the main river. Since Wurzburg is a college town, there were groups of young people socializing by the river with wine, beer, and snacks. The atmosphere was so chill and reminded me of day drinking in hoboken and NYC. A restaurant on the bridge sold local wine and everyone was holding their glasses as the sun set. We later went to a bar that was once an old mill. The bar is made of all wood and had cute little seating areas. After a couple of drinks, we walked back home and went to sleep preparing ourselves for a big flea market the next morning.

Main River

Saturday
Waking up at 6:30 am was brutal, but was worth it after all the amazing finds I snatched at the flea market. This flea market happens once a year and there were many vendors selling inexpensive things. I bought decorative wine bottles for less than 2 euro, a quality expensive dress for 15 euro, a cute small ladder for decoration, and kitchen stuff for 2 euro. You have to activate your creativity when browsing through things because you can turn anything to shabby chic and avoid spending a lot of  money at stores like pottery barn or crate & barrel. I am excited to decorate my new place with some the pieces I purchased.

After 4 hours at the flea market, I literally "shopped until I dropped," and napped for 2 hours. Afterwards, we proceeded to walk around and sight see. We had dinner at the restaurant by the bridge and it was one of the best meals I've had in Germany thus far. I order veal with a horseradish sauce, baked noodles with breadcrumbs, and lingonberry sauce. Just writing about it makes my mouth water.  I had gelato of course, shopped around and headed back to bed. My back and feet were killing me. It was a great day.

Sunday
The early bird gets the worm or in this case, the view. We set out early again to the Festung Marienberg, a celtic fortress that was built in 1201 and served as the residence of the prince bishop until 1719. It's located on top of a hill across from the bridge, so we set out for the climb after a hearty breakfast by the river. The views at the top of the fortress garden was spectacular. Seriously, a beautiful sight. Check out my pictures in the slideshow at the end of this post. Before we headed back to Grafenwoehr, we stopped at the Residenz, which is a palace that prince bishops also lived in. The garden and architecture was beautiful. It was heavily restored after WWII and it was definitely a sight to see.


I really am loving Germany. So much history, beautiful places to see and explore. I am definitely trying to take advantage of my weekends and get myself out there with others and or by myself. Anyone that wants to join me in my travels, let me know! Yall are welcomed!

Festung Marienberg

residenz

    

Non-Doing

"I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope

For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love,

For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith

But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.

Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:

So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing."

                                                     -T.S. Elliot

Reading this except from "East Coker," resonated how sometimes the best action to take in life is none at all. Just let life unfold. We often seek to control our outcomes and deny our realities causing us to live in turmoil. Letting go of control and accepting all that happens to us allows us to morph into our best selves and releases us from feeling anxiety about the future or depression from our past. It allows us to be present in the Now and let things naturally come about. 

So how do I live a life full of purpose without taking control?

I do believe one should set goals that direct you to where you want to go in life, but sometimes the best thing is to focus on how you want to feel instead of honing in on every detail of getting there. We are shaped by our experiences, insecurities, and relationships with others and that influences the way we see the world and the life we live. We often set goals that we don't really want and that cannot generate the feelings we want to attain, causing us to feel discontent. If you change your outlook on how you want to feel, instead of what you want to have, you won't need to take control because you won't be searching for more.

What are your goals in life? I'll tell you mine.

1. I want to feel happy.
2. I want to feel connected with others.
3. I want to feel loved and love.
4. I want to feel generous and give back.

Although these aren't focused on a particular thing, it sets intentions that I can work on in my day to day life. Visualizing how I want to feel, generates thoughts that later become actions and thus a reality.

Take the time to write down your goals and reflect on the feelings they transpire within you. You will gain an awareness of what is actually important in your life and how you seek to live a life full of purpose.

wheels

I finally got my car and  I'm so excited!It feels nice being able to drive without depending on anyone or for something as simple as transporting groceries. I've looked like a mad woman carrying grocery bags while riding my bike and also walking to the laundromat with a heavy bag of dirty laundry.

I got this Toyota Aygo 2008 sedan for $3500. It has a good maintenance record and has 65,000 miles. I think it's a steal!

Ironically enough, the license plates I received had NJ on it...Couldn't have been any more appropriate. A little piece to remind me of home sweet home.